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I'm a Great Northwesterner that is now loving life in the Midwest. I am a world class napper. I'm very bossy. I clearly love a good glass of Scotch. I wear aprons every chance I get.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Personal Policies

I've been  thinking a lot lately about my personal policies - things that are already decided so that when the situation arises, I don't have to think about what to do and I just put the plan in motion.  Here's a few of the policies from the Encylopedia Chanelica:

1. If my mother is ever in a coma, I will give her two weeks without pressure to wake up.  During this time I will play America's Funniest Home Videos for her.

2.  If I ever came across someone in the woods laying face down, I would first crack their back and then check to see if they needed help or were dead.  (NOTE: If you ever find me laying face down - anywhere - you can assume you should just crack my back.)

3.  Dinner reservations are always under the name of Judy.  And if they need a last name it's Juderson.  This is true if you're just waiting for a table at Red Robin - JUDY is the name.

4.  If there is a new face at church, I will do everything I can to go and speak to the owner of that face and welcome them and get their scoop.  Sometimes people sneak out too quickly - or there are too many people that day, but I will not let my own laziness prevent me from extending a greeting to someone new. 

5.  I will be ready for any game of "Let's Make A Deal" by keeping random crap in my purse at all times.  No joke.  I keep all kinds of random bits and bobs in my purse and wallet just in case Monty Hall shows up and is willing to trade $100.00 for a band-aid, a nail file, and a mint.

What are your personal policies?  I'd love to hear...really...


MKB said...

Love your personal policies.

ps I love that you are blogging again. You seriously make me laugh!

Bobo said...

1. Always know where your next meal is coming from. Family motto, really. (Sidenote: food trumps grammar.)
2. Never appear nervous or afraid in the presence of teenagers. They are like sharks and can smell blood in the water.
3. Keep your repartee sharp with current insults. Old phrases and references are lost on the young.
4. Always carry a water bottle. I think that's self-explanatory.
5. Keep a cache of weapons and be sure to periodically clean and inspect them. Never know when the zombie apocalypse will strike or the robots will try and take over.
6. Assume an expression of indifference or disdain when placed in uncomfortable situations. (see reference to sharks)
7. Always keep your purse pill box stocked with a variety of pain relievers. Most situations only require Advil. Church requires Excederin. Xanax is for sudden emergencies requiring calm or to alleviate painful boredom.

Trixie L'Amour said...

Words cannot express the emotion evoked when I read your Number 1 Policy! You remembered!!!!