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I'm a Great Northwesterner that is now loving life in the Midwest. I am a world class napper. I'm very bossy. I clearly love a good glass of Scotch. I wear aprons every chance I get.

Thursday, October 16, 2008


Tonight I stumbled upon The Wal-Mart Game...and here's how you play:

From the creator:

DIRECTIONS: The game requires two or more players. All players enter a Wal-Mart store equipped with pen or pencil and a copy of the checklist below. Players have a pre-determined amount of time, I suggest thirty minutes, to walk around the store observing the customers and employees, and checking off their many defects and afflictions. The most "hits" in the allotted time wins. Good luck!

-Animal bite
-Barbed wire bleeding
-Bee sting
-Black eye
-Blacking out
-Blood stain
-Botched skin graft
-Broken bone
-Bucked dentures
-Buckshot dimples
-Butane rash
-Camel hack
-Carburetor burn
-Chigger bites
-Chipped teeth
-Cigarette hole
-Corn chip toenails
-Creeping crud
-Face raisin
-Female bald spot
-Funking whistle
-Gasping for air
-Hatchet gash
-Healing tattoo
-Horseshoe bruise
-Neck brace
-Neck brace with Nascar sticker
-Neck vent
-Neck vent with bug guard
-Nicotine patch tan line
-One Herman Munster shoe
-Open sore
-Polio limp
-Powder burns
-Protruding forehead
-Radical obesity
-Ring worm
-Shrieking in pain
-Smoker's squint
-Stinking cough
-Sweet potato arm
-Teeth like the top of a castle
-Vomit beard
-Weeping sore

Get your pencils ready. This game is much more challenging to play here in Portland - as the nearest store is thirty miles away - but still...it makes a trip to Wal-Mart not actually hurt as much.

1 comment:

Bilbo said...

What's a face raisin? Do I even want to know?